Seeking Camelot: Bizarre Events in My Life

I Never Thought I'd Say This, But...

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:23:57 GMT

I've experienced some bizarre things in my life, but I think this might actually be ranked as #1.

This past weekend was Nebraska Gay Pride on the Riverfront in Omaha. Well, on Tues. and Fri. nights (and also this past Sat. to cover for another girl), I waited tables at the local restaurant as my second job...which is located on the Riverfront.

Now the bizarre thing isn't that I saw ALOT of gay people this weekend...

or the fact that one of the other servers told me about halfway through the night that she was "so done with tonight" because she'd had enough flamboyancy to last the rest of the week...

or even that I'd seen enough rainbows...on flags and t-shirts...to last a lifetime...

but the most bizarre thing I experienced was working in close proximity with 3 drag queens.

One of which works as a greeter at said restaurant...

when he's not in drag.

Wow.

Interesting.

I would never, never, NEVER have guessed that the one in the green dress and BIG brown wig was S...

except that R, whom I work with, asked me if I'd seen him. When I said no, he said, "Well, he's standing right in front of you."

I swear I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head!!!

I looked at S and said, "S..?"

He just smiled and said, "Hi."

OMG.

I mean, seriously, OMG.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my phone with me so that I could snap a pic. I think one of the other girls did, though, so I'll have to see if I can get a copy from her.

But, seriously, I think that was probably the most bizarre event of my life...

so far.

lol

Guinevere

Stormy Weather...

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:51:26 GMT

I don't know how many of you have heard on the news about the two tornadoes that touched down in Omaha early, early, early Sunday morning...like 2:30 am kind of early. Here's a link to an official weather link on a stormchaser's site about it: http://www.crh.noaa.gov/crnews/display_story.php?wfo=oax&storyid=15241&source=0

Anyway, the sirens were going off where we live. N was actually the one to hear them, get up, tell us they were going off, then promptly going back to bed. lol M and I both got up. He went outside to look at the storm and I got online looking for a Doppler radar loop so we could see what was up.

We heard about it the next day, but found out that they had already touched down and were gone by the time we got up. Scary stuff.

We've been having ALOT of severe weather lately. Lots of humidity and HEAT. Perfect formula for tornadoes. But it's also a perfect formula for some spectacular sunsets.

Like this one Monday night:

Aren't those storm clouds above that clear sunset amazing??? The picture doesn't do it justice...and we don't have a camera that will take panoramic shots...but it was spread from one side of the sky to the other and looked, and felt, like a blanket was laying right over us. Bizarre, a little scary, but GORGEOUS!

Guinevere

Ok. Now I'm Awake.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:33:09 GMT

My routine every morning is pretty boring and usual...day in, day out. I get up, shower, prep myself for work, get A out of bed and shuffle her off to the bathroom to get ready for school, pack my lunch, pack A's lunch (if she hasn't already done it the night before), shuffle us both out to the van to drop her off at her ride-to-school's house, then take myself to work.

When I get to work, I power up my computer, open Outlook and check work messages, open Explorer and load all the pages I check periodically during the day. Then I read my email, make a couple of Scrabble plays, and, finally, read the news.

Well, one of my jobs is to maintain and take care of the ordering and delivering/picking up of the radiation dosimetry badges. There are several people here who wear these badges whenever they're working or handling material so that we can monitor their radiation exposure.

Well, this morning, when I was reading the news, I saw a story that caught my attention. One of the employees of our hospital was arrested for stealing surgical supplies (hernia plugs, to be exact) and selling them on eBay. I read it, thinking, "What a moron."

And then, I saw the guy's name.

"Hey, that's one of our badge wearers!!!"

lol

I emailed the badge coordinator in that dept. and this is what I said:

"Not sure how to broach this, so I’ll just be straight out with it. Do we need to cancel J. L.’s badge? I was reading the news this morning and saw a story that made me think that he’s probably not working here anymore. Could you confirm whether or not we need to cancel his badge?"

Considering he'd been arrested for a felony, I think it's safe to say he's not working for us anymore. I was right.

Guinevere

Moving In...plus Poop Update

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:13:15 GMT

The move is over. Yesterday, while I was sitting in my office at work, M and the kids plus a friend of ours moved all of our furniture and items that we pre-boxed to our new house. I got home (to the new home) about a half hour after they pulled in with the truck, so, after dropping off my keys, phone and other “stuff”, I went out to help unload the truck.

YIKES it was hot!!! I think it hit 92º yesterday and there wasn’t a cloud in sight!

Spending time in the back of a moving truck is stiflingly hot! But…at least it didn’t rain. It’s no fun moving in the rain.

Anyway, all of our junk is moved in and now all we have to focus on is finding a place for everything. lol

Should be fun!

Anyway, I’m sure you’re dying to know how the whole poop situation has turned out too.

Well, at the end of the day on Tues., M questioned whether it was really poop or not. I confirmed that, yes, it was, in fact, poop. Upon getting out of the car after running through a hot car wash, yes, I can absolutely and irrefutably confirm that it was poop. Certain smells are unmistakable.

There was no video footage of anyone doing anything to the car. In fact, there are surveillance cameras positioned in every area around the building except where our car was parked. In fact, after telling his boss what happened, M’s boss said, “Yeah, the kids know there’s no camera there. That’s where they go to fight and just generally get into trouble.”

???

Then put in a flippin’ surveillance camera!!! Sounds like a no brainer to me.

Anyway, because our power washer is at the old house and the car is at the new house, we haven’t had a chance to clean it off of the car yet. M said he would work on it tonight. I’ll let him go to it. Ugh. If it messes up the paint job, no big deal. This is an old car that the two of us have driven back and forth to work for years. (It has over 200,000 miles on it.) It’s been egged and keyed and everything else you can imagine can happen to it as it sets on the street. (Our old house isn’t in a bad neighborhood, but kids out after dark with nothing better to do and no parents keeping an eye on them tend to get a little destructive.)

So, that’s the latest. Hopefully there will be no more repeats of the poop incident anytime in the future!

Guinevere

Angry Enough to Take Up Swearing!

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 13:52:00 GMT

Well, today's the day! Finally! After having been postponed THREE times!

We're closing on our house in about an hour and 15 minutes. I'm just trying to get this on here while I have time this morning. Because, after we close, we have a load of boxes to unload at the new house, we have to go out for lunch, then I have to be back to work by 1:00 for an Access class. Busy morning!

But my morning ultimately started off really BAD.

I mean, BAD!!!

M and I have driven to work separately before and left our car parked overnight behind one of the high schools that he works at. There's never been a problem in the past doing this.

Until now.

This morning, we went to get the car and, as we pulled into the parking lot, I said, "Oh, please don't let that be what I think that is!!!"

On ALL four of the door handles and smeared on the windshield was....

POOP!

Luckily, we had some napkins and could get the doors open without getting nasty in the process. I had to take the car because of the plan for the day, so M told me to run it through the car wash.

I did.

TWICE!

NOTHING!!! It didn't even look like it had knocked any of it off the car! (A BIG waste of $20!!!)

So, I drove it to work...fuming all the way.

By the time I got to work, I was shaking, had cotton mouth, couldn't breath, and felt like I was going to burst into tears! I hate that!

I REALLY hate that!

So, I called M who said he was getting ready to check the security camera feeds and see if they picked up anything...then we'll call the police and report a vandalism. It'd be great if the cameras picked something up!

In the meantime, I'll drive the car to our closing, then M will take it and I can drive the Jeep the rest of the day.

He's so sweet to me!

(It's so bad, we'll have to scrape it off when we get home, then use the power washer on it. ICK!)

Could my day get any worse???????

Guinevere

Miracles

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:09:01 GMT

"You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you."

John 15:16

I have a story to tell. Some of you may believe it. Some of you might not. Some of you may be encouraged through it. Some of you might wonder why I wasted my time writing about it. But I have a story to tell.

When M and I first got married, I was a smoker. Shocking, I know. I smoked almost a pack a day. Mostly out of boredom, but also partly because it was a habit and an addiction.

When I found out I was pregnant with N, I quit. Cold turkey. I didn’t smoke during the entire pregnancy. The only time I smoked after I had him was when M and I would go out and drinking was involved…which wasn’t often for me.

Then I quit again completely when I found out I was pregnant with A. Same routine again. Only smoking when we went out and alcohol was involved.

Then I quit completely. For good. Or so I thought.

But I secretly loved it and wanted to do it again.

I battled with that personal demon for a long time…until it finally won. I started working in a place where almost all of my co-workers smoked. I was around it all the time. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I started lighting up again.

I managed to work myself back up to a pack a day.

Then M and I started going to church. We had both been raised in church…two entirely different kinds of churches. Me: Methodist. M: Unity Church. We started attending an Assembly of God. (For awhile, Pentecostal was a little bit much for this Methodist girl to take! lol)

We re-dedicated our lives to the Lord…together.

But I still smoked. And so did M.

And every time I thought about quitting, that personal demon just dug in deeper and wouldn’t let go. I knew I needed to quit. For my health. For our kids’ health. For my spiritual growth. It was an obstacle…a vice…a hurdle…and it was stunting me.

A couple of years later, I’d finally had enough. I quit again. Cold turkey.

I made it one day.

Then two.

Then, finally, a week!

Then another week!

I made it a month!!!

I was proud of myself. I was happy that I had broken the addiction and dependency on the nicotine…

But I still secretly wanted to smoke.

I had been smoke free for almost 3 months and was on my way to work one morning, when it happened.

I had about 20 minutes of driving alone…quiet…no one to talk to but myself and God.

So, I talked to God about it. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was irritable. I was just downright grumpy and unpleasant to be around.

I decided that before I got to work, I was going to stop and buy a pack of cigarettes. I’d had it. I started crying. Why couldn’t I let go of this???

Finally, I remembered something. That verse! Was it in John or Matthew? Where was it? Oh well. It doesn’t matter where.

“Whatever you ask of the Father in My name, He will give you.”

Are you serious?

Anything?

Hmmmm……

An attitude of smugness just segued in.

Ok. Prove it.

And I said, out loud, “In Your name, Jesus, take this desire completely and totally away from me.”

And I meant it!

My toes began to tingle.

And the feeling was climbing up my legs.

My calves felt tingly, then my thighs…then to my waist…and the whole time, the sensation didn’t leave the areas it started in.

Then it came up my chest, spread through my arms, and out the top of my head, leaving the hair on my head feeling like it was standing on end. And then it disappeared from my entire body. Climbing out and up through the top of my head.

It wasn’t a tingly my-foot’s-asleep feeling. It wasn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before or since. It was like electricity being pulled through my body from my feet and leaving through the top of my head.

I sat there, in stunned silence for several minutes. And then I just thought, “Wow.”

I thought about the sensation off and on all day. When I got home, I told M about it. He thought it sounded cool, but kind of freaky.

It wasn’t until 2 days later that I realized….I hadn’t thought about having a cigarette since then! I didn’t want one at all!

When I had to be around someone smoking, I couldn’t stand it. My eyes would burn and my throat would constrict to the point of not being able to swallow.

God wasn’t kidding.

He meant it.

Even in my smugness and haste to test Him. He meant it. And He delivered on that promise.

Wow!

It’s been just over 11 years ago and I’ve never had that same desire to smoke like I had every other time I quit before. God’s still listening to us and working miracles.

He’s so awesome!

Guinevere

PS M quit 9 months after I did…after a lot of prayer! Yay! :o)

Crazy Days

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 04:16:44 GMT

What a crazy week this has been! I'm so glad that tomorrow is Friday! I missed posting a cool entry yesterday...Valentine's Day...but mine was really out of the ordinary this year. I think I'll end this post on that note, though.

Instead, I'm going to start with how today played out. Crazy. Last night, the kids and I got home from church late (about 11:30). We only ever get home that late on Wed. night because, of course, we have the hour long drive home, but also because we always go to Taco Bell with friends afterwards. We have a lot of fun, but during the drive home I'm always asking myself, "Now why exactly do I stay out so late on a work night???" Oh well.

Well, we got home and M was still up. He started messing with N...but N told him he didn't feel good. I just wrote it off as a late night and he was tired. So, this morning, it was life as usual. M and I got up and headed to work. N called me at about 8:30 and told me that he wasn't feeling very well. I told him to take some Tylenol and go back to bed. School was cancelled.

M and I got into a discussion on the way home and decided to find a place to sit and talk before heading the rest of the way home. This was a argument related discussion...and not something else like I know some of you are thinking. lol

Well, we got home about 40 minutes later and N was curled up on the couch in a blanket watching tv. This is so totally NOT him. He's a cold weather person and it's freaky just to see him in socks in the winter...let alone curled up in a blanket. So, of course being a mom, I knew he had a fever before I even got the thermometer. <sigh>

He did.

105º!!!

Ok. Poppin' more Tylenol and making him drink some water. You would think with his being 16 he would've called me and asked if he could have some more Tylenol or something at some point during the day! <more sighs>

About 3 hours later, it was down to 102º, so I was feeling a little better. But, before I get ready for work tomorrow, I'm going to check his temp again and if it's still high, I'm staying home. Then, later in the morning, we'll make a trip to the dr. It's annoying because it's probably just a cold, but that's a high fever!

Anyway, it made the extra 40 minutes that M and I were talking seem like a guilt trip.

Valentine's Day was a major letdown this year. M and I got into a minor argument on Tues. night that was actually more deep-rooted than either one of us wanted to let on. I'm going to spare you the gory details, but basically, the result was that M refused the gift I got him and then didn't get me anything for the big heart day.

We had a pretty good talk today and kicked down a door or two in the issues dept. We've had a good marriage and we have much better communication than a lot of couples we know, but we're not perfect. Not by a long shot!

But, the whole thing basically shot my Valentine's Day all to smithereens! Oh well...

I don't want anyone to worry too much about me and M...the talk today was a very good thing. And way overdue. It just happened to coincidentally fall right around Valentine's Day, so this year on what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, it just SUCKED to be ME!

Guinevere

Is This For Real?

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 00:43:02 GMT

Last night, M and I went to our church's Valentine's dinner. It was really nice. We got a chance to visit with some other couples and get to know them better. We've only been attending church there for about a year and a half, so some of you know how long it can take to really begin to feel like you know people in that (relatively) short length of time.

Anyway, we had a good time. One of the couples sitting next to us are really fun. I've told Scarecrow this before, but this guy really reminds me of him...based on his pictures. It's kind of weird talking to him actually. lol

One of the fun parts was, at one point, M asked me if I would fill his coffee cup. (The drinks tended to be self serve since there were only 2 waitresses assigned to our group of 78.) So, I took his cup to the server station and refilled it. When I brought it back and set it down, B (the guy who reminds me of Scarecrow) said, "Wow! You are a great wife! I'm going to just call you that from now on. Great Wife." lol M and I just laughed and I told M, "See? Take note." lol

I'll have to remind M of that now and again, I guess. lol

The most interesting part of the night was such a minor thing, but was hilarious. Everyone had a valentine setting at their place.

The thing I want to know is...who's been talking??? Because this was mine:

Hmmm...

Guinevere

Remember this? And hair issues...

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 02:27:18 GMT

After getting home from work tonight, while I was in the kitchen fixing dinner, M yelled from his den just around the corner,

"Hey! 'Reboot' is out on DVD!!!"

Does anyone remember this show? It was the first CGI animated "cartoon". We used to watch it every Sunday morning before leaving for church...along with the first part of 'Freakazoid'.

It's here! M is so excited. He wants the whole set. I have to admit that I liked the show too. It was clever. Who can forget Bob, Dot Matrix, Enzo, and Mega-Byte?

Anyway, I'll have to check into this for...maybe...Father's Day.

I had a random thought today while walking to the mail room at work. That's right. A random thought. Only one. Too many other things to keep straight to have more than that today. lol Although, I do have a post I'll be getting ready tomorrow.

Anyway, I digress...the random thought was about my hair color. Since having the kids, my hair has gotten progressively darker and darker and darker. And not in a good way. Mostly it looks like a dark blonde that is just...well...lifeless. Before I had the kids, I could color my hair platinum blonde and that's what I would get...now, if I color it even champagne blonde (not all that light), it gets a weird red tint to it....while still maintaining the few naturally gold highlights I was born with.

So, what I decided to do was color it.....BRUNETTE! Of course, I haven't run this by M yet...

I have only colored my hair dark once. ONCE. I was still with K and things were starting to get boring...and I knew he preferred brunettes (even though he pursued me as a natural blonde). So, I colored my hair....<GULP>...BLACK! If you're a natural blonde (even though my hair has gotten darker, my eyebrows and eyelashes are still pretty light), DON'T go black.

First, I didn't consult him about me coloring my hair black. And then, second, after I did it, he just looked at me and said, "What the f are you doing?" Soooo....

I tried to strip the color out.

<sigh> oh myyyyy......

I learned...too late...that if you try to strip black color out of naturally blonde hair...you get

ORANGE!

So, I stripped it again...it was only a little less orange. I decided to live with it because by this time, my hair was the texture of straw.

I couldn't WAIT until my hair grew out enough to cut off! By the time it got long enough to do anything constructive with it, K and I weren't together, M and I were. But...most of the orange had kind of "worn out" of my hair and it was back to mostly blonde. Very blonde. Practically white. lol Scary.

Anyway, thankfully, I lived past the orange hair...but now it's just really blah. I don't want to try blonde again, because, frankly, I don't like how red it gets when I try to go lighter. So, maybe if I go darker instead, I'll like how it turns out.

Wish me luck.

Oh, and a side note, honest to goodness, if I had pictures of me with my orange straw hair, I would post them...but I don't. So...pfffftttt!

Guinevere

Not Everything Bites...

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 16:50:57 GMT

Weimie left me a comment on my first post today and I realized I had meant to add this to the first entry and forgot. So, here goes...

Saturday night, we got together with some good friends of ours for pizza and cards. We had a blast!

But to start the night off, we exchanged Christmas gifts. I posted some time ago about the tie that Mk made M last Christmas, so this year, M wanted to do something really nutty for Mk this year.

While we were in TX, M and I ran over to M's dad's work to take some pictures. M's dad works in a tobacco store. They have a really nice lounge area in the back and this is where we wanted to get a picture. Picture this: M slicked back his hair (I know you don't know what he looks like, but picture slicked back hair and a groomed beard), wore one of his dad's cardigans, tied a scarf around his neck in an ascot type knot, wore a monacle, and held a "Sherlock Holmes" pipe. He was sitting in a high backed chair also. This is totally NOT M, by the way.

Anyway, we got some pics of him in a very "stuffy" pose, then uploaded them to his computer when we got home. He has a writing pad with his computer, so he signed the picture:

"Thinking of you while on holiday. Jules" (And, yes, Jules is his legal name. It fits the picture better than the name he goes by.)

Well, we put it in a nice frame and wrapped it up. When Mk opened it, he started chuckling, then laughing, then gasping for air. It got funnier and funnier the longer it went. Mk laughed HARD for a full 10 minutes at least! When he gets to laughing really hard, his voice goes really high pitched when he tries to talk and he said, "I don't think I can top this next year!" in this really high-pitched, whiny voice. I was laughing so hard I was almost in tears.

And then, periodically throughout the rest of the night, Mk would start laughing and say, "That was a good one, M." lol Just out of the blue...

It's setting on their computer desk.

We had a great time, but as always, the night went too quickly and we had to leave. I think we need to start getting together earlier in the day! lol

We spent some time at some church friends' house on Friday night and had a great time! There were several families there and the women played Apples to Apples while the men talked in the living room and the kids raised a ruckus in the basement. It was soooo much fun!

Anyway, on top of a crummy weekend on one hand, it was fun on the other. I guess it helped balance everything out!

Guinevere

Did I Really Say That???

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 01:54:54 GMT

I have been a tongue-tied mess today! Have you ever had those days where the words just come out all wrong?

Well, that's me!

Sometimes I stumble over words and they all get tangled up and make no sense...or other times I get them out of order and can't seem to get my brain to function efficiently enough to repeat the sentence the right way.

But the type of tongue-tiedness that I experience the most is getting the first letters of two words switched around.

For example: Computer desk would become domputer cesk.

Following?

Well, probably the most embarrassing example of this bizarre dysfunction of my mouth happened about 4 years ago when I was waiting tables.

First off, I guess I should note here that I do not swear. Ever. The only time I ever even use the word hell is when I'm referring to hell the place...but, even with that one, I never precede it with "go to..."

So the words that came out of my mouth that day was beyond embarrassing!

Anyway, back to my story...

I had just gotten to work about 20 to 30 minutes earlier and was getting our salad bar stocked for the lunch hour. (It wasn't a buffet-style salad bar, just a refrigeration unit setting in our wait station for us to use to prepare lettuce salads, along with coleslaw, cottage cheese, etc.) It had a refrigerated section on the bottom with two doors where we kept the salad plates and other "salad" stuff.

Well, I was squatting down on the floor pulling things out of the bottom and setting them up on the salad bar counter. Somehow, and to this day I still don't know how I did this, I got my fingers stuck in the door...just as one of the other waittresses came into the wait station.

I got them out and she said, "What are you doing?"

And, being caught off guard, said, "I got my fingers stuck."

Only, I got tongue-tied and it didn't come out that way.

I switched the first letters of the last two words of the sentence.

And not only that, but, because of the way the words came out of my mouth, I added an -ed to the end of my sentence!

The other waittress's eyes nearly popped out of her head before she busted up laughing. I immediately turned red and fell on the floor because I was laughing so hard too.

She proceeded to tell everyone else working that "J dropped the f-bomb!"

And then she came back and asked me, "Now what exactly is a stinger?"

ROFLOL

OY!

Guinevere

Trains are HUGE!

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 14:10:23 GMT

I’ve only been in three car accidents as a kid that I can remember off the top of my head…well, four if you count the time my mom hit a deer. She just clipped the back legs as it was in mid-leap, so it didn’t knock us around or mess up the car or anything. I don’t really count that one.

The first one was when I was in elementary school. I don’t remember what grade, though. We were going home after visiting my grandparents and a high school kid pulled right out in front of us from the school parking lot. Mom couldn’t get the car stopped in time and we hit him pretty hard, but we were all fine.

The second one was when I was in 4^th grade. My parents, my “middle” sister, and I had gone to pick peaches at a peach tree orchard in my dad’s pickup. The back of the truck was full of baskets of peaches. A woman pulled out into our lane from the left hand side and my dad swerved off of the road to avoid hitting her. It turns out that she was sitting at the stop sign reading her mail and took her foot off of the brake…completely unaware that she coasted through four lanes of traffic!!! It’s amazing she didn’t hit anyone before us! Anyway, the truck stopped on a sloped patch of grass of someone’s yard. We’re not sure exactly how it happened, but the grass caught fire under the truck and the doors were wedged shut. My dad climbed out of the truck window, then came around and pulled us out. My sister broke her collarbone and I fractured mine. The fire was put out pretty quickly, but that’s kind of a scary memory. There were peaches everywhere!

To this day, there’s a peach tree growing on that corner, though.

The third accident I remember is vivid. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It was in December right before Christmas…in fact, I think it was Christmas Sunday (or even just one of the Sundays of Advent) because we were on our way to church and Dad was driving. (First, I guess I should give you a little history. Every Sunday morning while we were getting ready for church, we would hear the train whistle blow from our house about 3 miles away...which meant that it was getting ready to cross along our stretch of road into town.) Well, this one particular morning, we hadn’t heard the whistle blow and I remember thinking that was weird, but I was only a 6^th grader at the time and just didn’t think much about it. You know how kids are… Well, we piled into the car and headed down the road. (We lived on a farm in the country on a gravel road.) But, we had had an ice storm a couple of days before, so there was still ice on everything. As we’re driving along and getting close to the RR crossing, out of the corner of my eye, I happened to see the train rounding the bend about a half mile away from where it would cross the road that we were on. I didn’t say anything because I was sure that Dad saw it too…except that he wasn’t slowing down…and then, when I tried to say something, I couldn’t talk. I was kind of frozen in my spot. About the time I knew it was a very bad situation, my mom says, “Oh, my God, it’s the train!” Dad hit the brakes, but, with the roads being covered in ice, we slid a long way and stopped with the entire front end of the car sitting on the tracks.

(I have to interject that my dad has got to be the most calm, cool, and collected person I have ever met in my entire life!)

He just nonchalantly put the car in Reverse, put his arm over the back of the seat and proceeded to start backing up…only the tires were spinning on the ice. He might’ve muttered the ‘s’ word at this point…I don’t remember that part for sure. By the time we felt the car actually starting to move, it was too late. The train hit us at an angle and practically tore the entire front of the car off. It spun us around about a few times and then we finally stopped. This happened before seat belts were required, so when my two sisters and I hit the back of the front seat, it completely bowed it forward.

By the time we got out of the car, the conductor and another train operator were running back up the tracks to make sure we were ok. They said that they started blowing the whistle and braking as soon as they came around the bend and saw us….since they knew it was extremely icy out. We were all fine…a little bit stiff the next day, but not even a bruise on any of us. The conductor said that we left a dent and green paint on the front of the train. So, I guess we left our mark that day!

And a side note, those trains are HUGE close up!

What’s interesting about a major accident like that is how vivid the memories of it can be. I can remember the smell of the car and feel the heat coming out from under the front seat from the heater and everything. It’s interesting how our minds can recall such fine detail in situations like that, but I can’t remember to pick up the one thing at the store that I need once I get there.

Weird.

Guinevere

What??? Again???

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 17:22:11 GMT

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know when I’m going to do it. But I’ve got to do something about this deer situation!

This past Sat. night, all four of us were heading home from my parents’ house. My son and my dad had finally finished N’s car! (Pictures are forthcoming. He wanted to clean it first. It runs and it looks awesome…I mean, it’s a Mustang for crying out loud!) M rode with N in his Mustang and A rode with me in our Oldsmobile.

About one-third of the way home, my heart stopped. But only for a moment. I don’t know exactly how to describe what happened so that you can get the full scope of what we experienced. But I’ll try.

I was following N by about…oh…maybe 10 car lengths. A pretty good distance, but not a like a mile behind him by any means. I was also driving at a speed of about 60-65 mph. (The speed limit in MO is 60.) What I saw didn’t even really fully register until we were in the clear and it was all over. Here is the actual, unedited sequence of events:

Two does (big does) run onto the highway immediately behind N’s car.

The same two does (big does) run onto the highway immediately in front of my car.

I see…*something*…doesn’t register that it’s a deer right at first.

I hit my brakes…but didn’t “slam” them.

Doe #1 crosses my lane to the right shoulder and then appears to get confused and does a slapstick “this way, no that way” kind of “dance”.

Doe #2 stops in the left lane and gets bug eyes that appear to say, “Oh no! what do I do?”

I see my opening, so I take my foot off of the brake and drive directly between the two does!

My heart begins to beat again…feverishly! My arms and legs hurt.

We make it home in one piece.

A was resting and had her eyes closed. She said when I hit the brakes, she opened her eyes and saw “a huge animal”. She said she didn’t even know what it was until I told her after we survived the near miss. lol M and N didn’t even know they came really close to hitting them themselves until we got home and I told them about it.

Something has to be done about this deer population problem, though. Every morning on the way to work, we listen to the local traffic report for Omaha so that if we need to avoid our usual route, we can and won’t be late for work. Almost everyday, there’s at least one accident involving someone hitting a deer…inside Omaha city limits!!! In downtown Omaha!!! It’s crazy!

At this rate, I’m not going to be driving at night much longer!!!

Guinevere

Rudolph Got Run Over by a Guinevere

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 20:26:31 GMT

It appears that M and I are doing our part to control the “run amok” deer population in Iowa. I managed to “take out” a relatively young doe on April 5. And yesterday, on the way to work, M took down another deer sustaining minimal to no damage to our “backup” vehicle.

The first deer we’ve eradicated from the cervidae family in southwestern Iowa occurred on April 5, 2006. M and I had agreed to stay in the Omaha/Council Bluffs area on a Wed. night and go to church to see a special guest speaker…who is also a comedian and musician. (He was really funny, by the way.)

Both of our kids begged to ride home with some friends of ours who were going to make a stop at Taco Bell for a late dinner. M and I were just anxious to get home and get to bed since we both had an early day the next day, so we agreed. N and A stayed with our friends in Council Bluffs. Thank God.

We had driven almost 50 miles of the 60 mile drive back home, when I crested a hill and dimmed my light for the car that crested the opposite hill. As I got near the bottom of the hill…in the “valley”, if you want to call it that…all of a sudden, there was a deer standing in the middle of my lane. By the time I saw it and it registered in my brain what I was seeing, I was maybe 20 feet from the thing. I slammed on the brakes (wrong thing to do, by the way) just as it started to get out of my way. If it hadn’t moved at all, I would’ve hit it completely broadsided and it probably would’ve flown up onto the hood of the car hitting the windshield. As it was, it got far enough to the left that we hit its back half on the driver’s side.

But, since I had slammed on the brakes and was basically skidding, the force of the hit on only one side of the car caused us to spin around and slide. Unfortunately, as we were spinning around, I saw us heading directly for a ditch…about a 9 foot drop off. Amazingly enough, I didn’t swear…I just said,

“Lord Jesus, help us!”

We continued to spin as we slid off the road. We basically slid sideways and backwards down into the ditch. There was a kind of rut at the bottom that jolted us to a stop when we hit the bottom. (I swear to God it’s a miracle we didn’t roll the car!!! And we hit with enough impact that it shattered the screen on M's cell phone that was in a holder on his belt.) We probably could’ve driven up out of it (it leveled out about 30 feet in front of us with a kind of “driveway” into the field that was there), except that both tires on the passenger side were pulled off the rims from skidding down into the ditch.

Thankfully, we were wearing our seatbelts and weren’t hurt. We got out of the car and climbed up out of the ditch. The people in the car we had met pulled over and met us at the side of the road. They were totally freaking out. They didn’t see the deer at all…they’d just seen us totally wipe out.

M called 911 just to let them know we had had an accident. (We’ve never had one before, so what do you do…even when you know you’re fine???) We decided that in the rural area that we live in on a Wed. night…they must be dying for excitement because...well, just read on...

We agreed to go to the hospital in an ambulance just as a precaution to make sure we were fine. I’m not kidding you…by the time our ambulances were leaving the scene, there were at least 7 different ambulances and rescue units blocking the entire highway!!! Along with the sheriff and a deputy! It was a riot! And they were telling others on the radio to turn back! lol

Anyway, we got the whole nine yards. We were both fitted with the neck brace thingy and strapped to a board, which is not comfortable at all, by the way! lol We were answering a lot of questions from the sheriff and the paramedics at the same time. I swear you would’ve thought we were bleeding to dead with bones protruding somewhere the way they were frantically working on us! M said they probably needed the practice…so why not? lol

Once they got us all strapped down and loaded on the traveling gurney things they have in ambulances, they decided who was riding with who. I have to tell you right now that the paramedic or EMT or whatever that was taking care of me was a major hottie. I’m not kidding! I don’t know if he chose his uniform himself or what, but he was in a tight black t-shirt and jeans and he was very nicely put together...and he was gorgeous! I just thought it was hysterical that when they were deciding who would ride with who, he said, “You ride with the man and I’ll ride with J.” hehe M thought it was funny too. Later, he said, “Oh, so I’m just ‘the man’ and he calls you by name??? I see how it is.” lol

They drove us the remaining 10 miles to the hospital and we were checked out in the ER. Of course, by the time we got there, I was motion sick from riding on my back and backwards in the ambulance. UGH.

Immediately afterwards, when we were by the side of the road waiting for them to get there, we called our friends and let them know what happened. So, they met us at the ER once they got into town. The kids were a little worried about us…A more than N, though, I think. We had fun killing time by taking pictures on my camera phone.

It was taking forever for the doctor to get to the ER room we were in, so I had to beg the nurse to unstrap my legs so I could bend them at the knees to relieve some of the pain in my lower back. I already have back problems, so being strapped flat against a board isn’t comfortable at all. Yikes.

We were having fun being goofy. I wanted to make sure the kids knew we were ok, so I was just being silly. I crossed my legs, bent at the knees, bobbed my foot, and said things like, “So, do you think the Cubs will win the pennant this year?” Extremely goofy since I don’t follow sports. When the doctor finally came in, we were all laughing and being silly. She checked us out and even joked around a little. When she finally finished up, she said, “I wish all of our cases in ER were this fun.” lol

Then we went home and went to bed. HA!

But then yesterday, M and I drove separately to work because I was going to be staying in town late. M called me about 30 minutes after he left and told me that he hit a deer. I was like, “OMG! Are you ok?” He said it was no big deal. It just ran out in front of him and he just clipped the bottom part of its hind legs with the front of the car…of course, it caused him to fishtail all over both lanes of the highway for a few seconds…but he was fine. Luckily, he was driving our little Saturn. It rides so low to the ground and scoops down in front, so that was actually probably a big advantage. In our main car, it would’ve probably creamed it…again. (As it was, it cost us $1200 to fix it the first time we hit a deer!)

So, we’re doing our part to control the deer population…how about you?

Guinevere

***Note***: This isn’t the most flattering pic of me, but it’s all you’re going to get right now. hehe

Truth & Lies...Which is Which?

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 19:50:54 GMT

Just to clarify which of the three items was the truth and which were the lies, here’s a quick rundown:

I have never sold Amway.
I have never been arrested.
I have, in fact, been vomited on at a concert.

Now as to the particulars:

It was 1986. David Lee Roth had made his departure from Van Halen and was on tour for his first “real”, full-length album “Eat ‘Em & Smile”.

I thought Diamond Dave was the hottest and coolest! I heard he was performing “in a city near” me…so I informed my parents that I just had to go. I took a couple of friends of mine and we made our way there.

It was a general admission concert…which means, in the simplest terms, no chairs…just an open arena. People were sitting on the floor and generally just hanging out. We found our seat about 15 feet from 2 guys and 2 girls who had decided that they needed to party beforehand. And when I say, “party”, I mean get totally and unbelievably drunk.

Well, the start up music…or better described as teaser music…started and everyone stood up…except for one of the guys in this band of 4 morons. The other 3 were helping him to his feet…presumably so he wouldn’t get trampled and they wouldn’t get kicked out.

As soon as he got up, he started the precursor to hurling…you know what I mean…where you know it’s inevitable and you just need to get out of the way. Everyone around them scattered and this guy was basically alone in the middle of a 5 foot radius circle and was lurching around. All of a sudden, he did a final “it’s on its way!” convulsion and turned in my (and a dozen other people’s) direction. Everyone was screaming and turning to get out of the way.

Unfortunately, I had been unsuccessful at shoving my way through the massive crowd of people and had been sitting too close to the guy on the floor earlier to get a good enough distance away from him…so it really didn’t come as any great surprise that I felt a very wet and very warm <SPLAT!> in the middle of my lower back.

Again, unfortunately for me, I was wearing a mini skirt and ankle boots at the time.

And, as I turned around…it felt like very slow motion…everyone in the vicinity was staring on in horror. A security guard grabbed the guy and escorted him and his friends out…but, I had the honor of enjoying the concert while decorated with alcohol-laced vomit on my back.

I wasn’t even able to get to the restroom to at least attempt to clean most of it off because of being situated pretty much at the center of the arena…any effort to push through the crowd at that point was futile. So, needless to say, I just tried to block it out of my mind and enjoy the concert.

I did a pretty good of enjoying myself until afterwards, when a guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “Do you know you have puke on your back?”

Like, “Oh, man! When did that happen???”

Please.

<sigh>

Guinevere